You'll grow tired of me

Hey sorry I set all my videos to unlisted
Might repost some on a new account later if anyone is interested
Now I'm gonna' vent haha:




I avoid friendships and relationships because I have BPD
Instead I just drown myself in responsibilities, and more hours at work, and extra classes.
It has worked out well so far,
except that every time I stop working I am over come with loneliness and stress.
Normally this motivates me to work harder so I don't have to stop but recently it has just been crushing me. I've basically stopped working out, I am always anxious at work, my diet has turned into garbage, my house is dirty. I can't figure out what suddenly changed
And every time someone tries to make friends with me I push them away so of course they grow tired of me quickly
And to be honest it takes me so long to get used to someone and feel okay around them that if I don't push people away they get tired of me by the time I feel comfortable around them anyway.
I have a lot more things to boohoo about but I'm off today and should genuinely be doing my school work.

tired